Balance
"I don't feel like a superhero, I feel like a Mom who has a career."
I was reading an article this morning about the FTC Commissioner who has an 8 week old daughter who she takes to work with her and it made me think about how we all find a different way to reach balance in our lives.
Several people have asked me recently how I've found the balance in being back at work / how I've found "having it all." And the reality is this article really articulated several things that I've been thinking / feeling recently.
Balance
First, with respect to balance, in some ways, I've found "balance" between work and life to be a bit easier than I expected. The reality is that Charlie NEEDS so much that it is not an option to not pick her. It's not like I can tell her to feed herself and put herself to bed.
But, the reality is that the balance is also not so easy all the time. For example, Charlie has been sick almost every week that she has been back at daycare, resulting in her staying home with us and/or having to go to the doctor in the middle of the day (which requires balancing meeting schedules, daycare drop off schedules, etc.). As evidenced in the pictures this often involves trying to hold her while being on calls, answer emails, etc.
One line in the article that especially jumped out at me was: “It doesn’t help anyone when you try to make it look easy,” said Stephanie Martz, a former chief counsel for Mr. Schumer who is also a mother of three children and a close confidant of Ms. Slaughter’s. “You don’t have to go on that trip to Europe. And you need to conquer your doubts.”
Sometimes we want to paint the picture in our lives that it is easier than it actually is -- and I don't know if that is the social media phenomenon of having our lives be glossy and perfect or if it is that it makes it feel better or more manageable to ourselves if we focus on the positive. Reality is just a bit more complicated than that it is easy or that schedules just fall into line.
One great piece of advice that was given to me by another very successful woman was that a lot of women make excuses or lie about what they are doing when they have to run to daycare / school, do a doctor's appointment, etc. and that she always found that people respected it a lot more that she was direct about saying what she had to do and being clear about the timeline with respect to when she was available and when she would be out.
I've tried to adopt her approach and have found that people are MORE than understanding of the boundaries that you set; but at the same time, you are the one who has to set your own boundaries. When our schedule gets thrown into chaos for items related to Charlie, I try to sit down in the morning and identify specifically what my focus is for the day, narrowing my day to the top 3 things that are most immediate that need to get done that day -- and specifically writing down my focus. Writing this focus down helps me not get lost in emails or calls (or Charlie-related activities) and makes sure that I don't drop the critical path.
The other important piece of the quote that I highlighted above is conquering your doubts. One of mine was whether I COULD actually balance my job and having a child. A big piece of conquering that doubt for me is just actually doing it as opposed to worrying about it in concept (like I did for most of my maternity leave).
Balance isn't just for women
"But Ms. Slaughter’s male colleagues say her decision helps all working parents. Noah Phillips, a Republican commissioner and parent of young children, said it was important for the F.T.C. staff to know that Pippa would be a daily fixture."
I have a slack channel called the "Team Roche Book Club" where I post the articles that I have been reading recently. I've realized that a lot of the articles that are written for women in leadership / working mom's really apply to people in leadership and working parents.
While a lot of the child rearing duties traditionally fall on the woman, it does not necessarily hold true that they will continue to fall on the woman; and I've found that working fathers have been equally supportive to me as the other working moms that I have found at IBM. We all have to figure out how to balance our families -- and being flexible to the needs of a family is good for both women and men.
While I've started writing about being a working mom, I think that almost everything that I'm saying about balance applies to - and benefits - the dads as well.
"Having it all" is a bit exhausting...
... and you miss some things personally and professionally
"She kept her promise to leave the office by 5 p.m. to have dinner with family at home. But she was online again after the two older children were asleep around 8 p.m. By 10 p.m., she was in bed. 'It's like a marathon,' she said of her day. The race would begin again in about four hours."
One of my colleagues recently asked me, "how's it going, 'having it all'?" I laughed at the time - and said "easier than I thought it would be!"
It's true, I do feel like I'm starting to be in a bit of a good routine.
The routine is quite a bit different than my routine used to be. When your child goes to bed at 7:30, you have to re-adjust your normal work until 7:30 routine. But, the reality is, when your child goes to bed at 7:30, you can't go to happy hours (or you have to find a different childcare solution). When your child goes to bed at 7:30, it's really hard to go to dinner during the week because she needs to eat, and have a bath, and so to really eat dinner, you would need to sit down for dinner at 5 or 5:30 or, if you are really pushing it, 6. But with work, that is not an option, usually.
So, there is a new balance for work - and a new balance personally in terms of seeing family or friends.
Likewise, you have to find a balance between childcare / work events / work travel. I have been doing some work travel as has my husband - and so we have found a system of scheduling each other's work travel a couple of weeks out so we can block off our calendar. Johnny has a work trip for the next week; so, accordingly, I have to miss two work trips that I was asked to do to a conference in Orlando and to a client meeting because Johnny had "booked" the work travel first.
In that sense - I think you can "have it all," but perhaps not "do it all" if that makes sense. As the article said "You don't have to go on that trip to Europe" ... or in my case to Orlando.
I was reading an article this morning about the FTC Commissioner who has an 8 week old daughter who she takes to work with her and it made me think about how we all find a different way to reach balance in our lives.
Several people have asked me recently how I've found the balance in being back at work / how I've found "having it all." And the reality is this article really articulated several things that I've been thinking / feeling recently.
Balance
First, with respect to balance, in some ways, I've found "balance" between work and life to be a bit easier than I expected. The reality is that Charlie NEEDS so much that it is not an option to not pick her. It's not like I can tell her to feed herself and put herself to bed.But, the reality is that the balance is also not so easy all the time. For example, Charlie has been sick almost every week that she has been back at daycare, resulting in her staying home with us and/or having to go to the doctor in the middle of the day (which requires balancing meeting schedules, daycare drop off schedules, etc.). As evidenced in the pictures this often involves trying to hold her while being on calls, answer emails, etc.
One line in the article that especially jumped out at me was: “It doesn’t help anyone when you try to make it look easy,” said Stephanie Martz, a former chief counsel for Mr. Schumer who is also a mother of three children and a close confidant of Ms. Slaughter’s. “You don’t have to go on that trip to Europe. And you need to conquer your doubts.” Sometimes we want to paint the picture in our lives that it is easier than it actually is -- and I don't know if that is the social media phenomenon of having our lives be glossy and perfect or if it is that it makes it feel better or more manageable to ourselves if we focus on the positive. Reality is just a bit more complicated than that it is easy or that schedules just fall into line.
One great piece of advice that was given to me by another very successful woman was that a lot of women make excuses or lie about what they are doing when they have to run to daycare / school, do a doctor's appointment, etc. and that she always found that people respected it a lot more that she was direct about saying what she had to do and being clear about the timeline with respect to when she was available and when she would be out.
I've tried to adopt her approach and have found that people are MORE than understanding of the boundaries that you set; but at the same time, you are the one who has to set your own boundaries. When our schedule gets thrown into chaos for items related to Charlie, I try to sit down in the morning and identify specifically what my focus is for the day, narrowing my day to the top 3 things that are most immediate that need to get done that day -- and specifically writing down my focus. Writing this focus down helps me not get lost in emails or calls (or Charlie-related activities) and makes sure that I don't drop the critical path.
The other important piece of the quote that I highlighted above is conquering your doubts. One of mine was whether I COULD actually balance my job and having a child. A big piece of conquering that doubt for me is just actually doing it as opposed to worrying about it in concept (like I did for most of my maternity leave).
Balance isn't just for women
"But Ms. Slaughter’s male colleagues say her decision helps all working parents. Noah Phillips, a Republican commissioner and parent of young children, said it was important for the F.T.C. staff to know that Pippa would be a daily fixture."
I have a slack channel called the "Team Roche Book Club" where I post the articles that I have been reading recently. I've realized that a lot of the articles that are written for women in leadership / working mom's really apply to people in leadership and working parents.
While a lot of the child rearing duties traditionally fall on the woman, it does not necessarily hold true that they will continue to fall on the woman; and I've found that working fathers have been equally supportive to me as the other working moms that I have found at IBM. We all have to figure out how to balance our families -- and being flexible to the needs of a family is good for both women and men.
While I've started writing about being a working mom, I think that almost everything that I'm saying about balance applies to - and benefits - the dads as well.
"Having it all" is a bit exhausting...
... and you miss some things personally and professionally
"She kept her promise to leave the office by 5 p.m. to have dinner with family at home. But she was online again after the two older children were asleep around 8 p.m. By 10 p.m., she was in bed. 'It's like a marathon,' she said of her day. The race would begin again in about four hours."
One of my colleagues recently asked me, "how's it going, 'having it all'?" I laughed at the time - and said "easier than I thought it would be!"
It's true, I do feel like I'm starting to be in a bit of a good routine.
The routine is quite a bit different than my routine used to be. When your child goes to bed at 7:30, you have to re-adjust your normal work until 7:30 routine. But, the reality is, when your child goes to bed at 7:30, you can't go to happy hours (or you have to find a different childcare solution). When your child goes to bed at 7:30, it's really hard to go to dinner during the week because she needs to eat, and have a bath, and so to really eat dinner, you would need to sit down for dinner at 5 or 5:30 or, if you are really pushing it, 6. But with work, that is not an option, usually.
So, there is a new balance for work - and a new balance personally in terms of seeing family or friends.
Likewise, you have to find a balance between childcare / work events / work travel. I have been doing some work travel as has my husband - and so we have found a system of scheduling each other's work travel a couple of weeks out so we can block off our calendar. Johnny has a work trip for the next week; so, accordingly, I have to miss two work trips that I was asked to do to a conference in Orlando and to a client meeting because Johnny had "booked" the work travel first.
In that sense - I think you can "have it all," but perhaps not "do it all" if that makes sense. As the article said "You don't have to go on that trip to Europe" ... or in my case to Orlando.
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