4 Reflections on Being an LGBTQ+ Ally at Work

“We are standing together, shoulder to shoulder, all working for one common good. And the good of each of us as individuals affects the greater good of the company.” – Thomas Watson, Sr., Chairman & CEO, IBM, 1915-1956

I am really proud that I work for a company that embraces the power of diversity; and I am really proud that I have an incredibly diverse team working for me - from all angles: gender, race, age, and, of course, LGBTQ+ as well. 

I’ve reflected a lot about what I want to say about Pride this year and how I can continue to support (and/or continue to improve how I support) my LGBTQ+ colleagues. This year stands out for me given our particularly charged political environment and understanding how challenging and completely worrisome it is to my LGBTQ+ friends and colleagues. So, for me it is a moment that I wanted to emphasize how I think about being an ally at work.

I think one particular challenge of LGBTQ+ experience at work is the feeling of constantly having to explain yourself. My diversity is worn on me every single day – it’s no surprise to people that I am a woman. One experience I've heard from  my LGBTQ+ colleagues and friends is the constant feeling of coming out, to a new peer, client, etc., while many just want to be known for the value they bring to their work and their clients.

BUT - from my perspective, part of the value that they bring to our team is their experience being LGBTQ+. 

Reflection 1: As a leader, it is important to me to encourage my whole team to embrace what makes us, us. Our diversity literally makes us better at what we do. The core of the work my team does is user experience - and thinking about how to make user experience better - whether customer, call center agent, field worker, seller, etc. The reality is that customers, call center agents, field workers, sellers, etc. are LGBTQ+, young, old, moms, dads, have straight / gay parents, are Black, Asian, have aging parents, etc. — and the elements of their identity shape their user experience. 

If we do not show up to work as our “full selves,” we literally do our clients a disservice. It’s hard to empathize with the user if I’m only showing up as a corporate IBM consultant. If I show up as Caroline, who is in a two working parent marriage, has young kids, and a mom with Alzheimer’s disease, I can really empathize with the users in a different way. The same is true for my LGBTQ+ colleagues - they bring an important perspective and experience that helps us be better and create better than we would without that identity represented as part of the conversation. 

To create the culture for my team, it is important that I show up that way myself – warts and all. For example, I lost my Dad last year and yesterday was his birthday and I had a few tears on one of my calls (and a lot of tears in general). 

Reflection 2: Beyond showing up that way myself, the other way that I create that culture is being thoughtful about being seen, heard, and listening. Obviously, as part of this post, I am being heard. But, I think being seen as an ally on a day to day basis, and listening are as often as or more powerful than my voice.

Being seen is often in the daily practices, such as giving team members opportunities to shine in their work, pushing for promotions, speaking roles, and giving people stretch opportunities. This also means offering a safe space for someone in the LGBTQ+ community, whether they want a platform to share their voice and experience, or simply want to work and contribute to their team without their sexual identity needing to be discussed. 

I’ve consistently found that sometimes the most valuable thing I can bring to the discussion as an ally is my ears: the opportunity to listen to experiences, hardships, worries, and anxieties helps me be a more thoughtful leader to my team – helping develop them as individuals and find opportunities for them to shine. For example, for pride we are having a panel of our LGBTQ+ colleagues facilitated by an LGBTQ+ team member; many times, I facilitate these panels, but I think in this instance it’s as valuable for me to listen to the experience as it is for me to directly lead the panel. 

I’ve also found that listening often requires seeking out opinions. I’m very lucky to have an almost “board of directors” of people to help me navigate being an ally; but, as a leader, part of that conversation started with me asking for help – or just asking questions. For me, this actually started with “should I say something about Pride?” and – “if so, what?” but as we’ve had a conversation as a team, the conversations have been rich, helping me learn about worries my team has had. As a leader, and an ally, it’s important to be open to asking questions and taking direction from the team on how to adjust. 

Reflection 3: As a leader, being an ally means making sure my team knows that I have their back. This actually is an all inclusive statement that should be felt by hopefully all of my team. But when it comes to the LGBTQ+ community, this means that I – and as a broader extension, IBM – will be an advocate for them in a world that still has room to grow. For example, if a gay consultant was working on a project and had issues with anyone – client, other vendors, and (hopefully never) other colleagues expressing a view, we would help that consultant navigate the situation on their terms – whether that meant a change in project with a safer space to do their work and contribute; or whether that meant directly addressing the situation; or something else entirely. From my perspective, challenging situations are best handled when empowering the person to confront them on their terms – and as a leader, it is important to me to empower my team to feel that they can take control of their career, in good moments and tougher ones also. 

Reflection 4: Finally, it’s never too late to get started. As I mentioned earlier, when I originally thought, maybe I should be more active in speaking about Pride this year, my next thought was, “well, I didn’t do anything for women’s history month or black history month, so will people take offense if I do this and not that?” At the end of the day, just because I missed those (which I will not going forward), two wrongs don’t make a right. It’s never too late to take a step forward in a positive direction. So, for anyone who feels intimidated about speaking about Pride – or speaking as an advocate for any diversity – I challenge you to take one step forward today. Wish someone happy pride. Wish a call happy pride even if you don’t think there are LGBTQ+ team members on the call. Ask someone about themselves. Ask for advice. Read an article. It’s never too late.