On Courage

Before I started my maternity leave, I had recently finished a training program that IBM has called Cornerstone, which is a training program for Associate Partners who are on the executive track at IBM. One of the key messages from the program was to think about who your “authentic self” was and being intentional about being that authentic self both as a leader and at home.

Coming out of that training, I have spent a lot of time thinking about being intentional about just who that authentic self is and, really, if I boil it down, who and what I want to be. Some of it includes reflecting on the typical things you would expect to think about from a work perspective (what kind of leader am I, what kind of executive do I want to be, how do I want to be known at IBM, what do I want my team to think of me?). Much of it has also played out on a more personal level, as my husband and I had our first child in November, I have been reflecting a lot about who I want to be as a mom, as a wife, and as a daughter. 

In the past, when working on personal and professional goals, I have looked to those around me and tried to do the things that I have seen them do successfully. However, that doesn’t seem to make sense for me right now. My situation and how I approach it is unique to me: There aren’t many executives who have young children, nor are there many 29 year olds with parents in their 80s. 

Reflecting on this, a comment from a difficult conversation with a client recently has replayed in my mind over and over, in which the client mentioned someone (from my team, unfortunately) who had lacked the courage to tell the truth. What a powerful (and, in the context of the conversation, challenging) statement.

This concept has has reverberated in my head as I think about my goals for 2018, but, more broadly, as I continue to reflect on what I would like for my "authentic self" to be. In the months leading up to having Charlie, I struggled a lot with self-doubt. How could I continue to be who I have been - an aggressive, go-getter known for getting things done - while also being a present and focused mom and wife? Because, as we all know, the reality of being an aggressive go-getter is that it requires many hours of work; and the reality of being a present mom also requires many hours of cuddles. I have struggled and worried about blending my new reality of a baby who needs to be picked up from daycare between 5-6 and goes to bed at 7 and needs some love in between, when the reality is that I can probably count the amount of times that I have left work before 6:30 on one hand.

So, as I work on my own goals for the year and with my team, I'm going to challenge my team to come up with one word that summarizes their goals -- and / or their attitude towards their goals this year. Mine is courage.

I hope to be: Courageous in tackling new challenges such as trying to make partner while having a 5-month old. Courageous in my interactions with others - such as telling the hard but "kind truth" (as one of my most recent favorite reads calls it) to clients, my team, my leadership. Courageous in adjusting my work style to accommodate my life (e.g., the hours I work). Courageous in adding value at work while not losing sight of what is best for my family. 

And also, perhaps, the courage to believe in myself as I tackle these new adventures.