Asking for help (and other challenges)...
As I think about feedback that I have gotten throughout my career, or throughout my life really, it is kind of funny because you realize that many things change but often the feedback about you and what you need to improve repeats itself a number of times throughout your life.
For example, I vividly remember on my first report card with grades, the comments from the teacher were, "Caroline is very smart, but needs to slow down, take her time, and double check her work." Likewise, on the first business process design deliverable I did as a new analyst on my first project out of college, I was SO proud of my deliverable and thought I had knocked it out of the park... and it came back (thanks Megan!) with quite a bit more feedback than I had anticipated, with the comment that I needed to "pay more attention to detail." I often relay this story for new analysts because I have improved quite a bit in my attention to detail since then -- but have really, really focused on improving this side of my work; and it can be hard adjusting to the expectations and requirements when you start work. With that, it probably should've been no surprise to me that I was still struggling with "careless mistakes" as I had my whole life.
Recently, one thread of feedback that I've been hearing over and over is that I need to get better at asking for help. I first heard this when I had recently been promoted to manager and was leading a team and responsible for a team and quite a few deliverables and found myself very overwhelmed, working until 10 or 11 each night to try to review and get through each of the deliverables. I felt like I needed to prove to myself and my leadership that I could handle the responsibility of doing my own work and reviewing others'. When I finally talked about this with my boss (hi, again, Megan!), she reminded me that consulting is a team sport, that no one is ever expected to do their job alone, and that half the battle of taking on additional leadership responsibility is knowing when to pull in help because you can't be successful in doing it alone.
I have been reflecting on this recently when Vijay posted the following comment on my first blog:
"My 2 cents - we always tend to under estimate the help available to us . I know I did. And I continue to do so occasionally despite knowing there is help available if only I asked for it . The reality is I often lack courage to ask for and take that help . "
Asking for help is something that I really, really struggle with for a couple of reasons:
Last weekend, I talked about this with my in-laws, and my father-in-law had an interesting perspective on this challenge. He said that once he was struggling with accepting help from others and his priest asked him if he liked to help people (he does) and reminded him that other people WANT to be helpful to you in the way that you want to be helpful to others. He reminded me that I need to trust that people will be honest if they cannot help but that assuming that others are equally busy at that moment is not a fair assumption.
To that end, as they say, the first step to dealing with a problem is admitting you have a problem. So, here we are: I admit that I struggle in asking for help sometimes. And, that I'm going to work on being better.
I have already put this into play a bit this week -- Charlie has her first daycare cold (that I have been told we will basically have for the next 6 months) and I kept her home with me on Monday. I had a client call and so I asked my mother-in-law to come over and help put Charlie down for her nap while I was on the call. And... Charlie loved it, my mother-in-law loved it, and it worked out great!
So, here's to asking for help -- and to recognizing the vast amount of help that there is for all of us.
For example, I vividly remember on my first report card with grades, the comments from the teacher were, "Caroline is very smart, but needs to slow down, take her time, and double check her work." Likewise, on the first business process design deliverable I did as a new analyst on my first project out of college, I was SO proud of my deliverable and thought I had knocked it out of the park... and it came back (thanks Megan!) with quite a bit more feedback than I had anticipated, with the comment that I needed to "pay more attention to detail." I often relay this story for new analysts because I have improved quite a bit in my attention to detail since then -- but have really, really focused on improving this side of my work; and it can be hard adjusting to the expectations and requirements when you start work. With that, it probably should've been no surprise to me that I was still struggling with "careless mistakes" as I had my whole life.
Recently, one thread of feedback that I've been hearing over and over is that I need to get better at asking for help. I first heard this when I had recently been promoted to manager and was leading a team and responsible for a team and quite a few deliverables and found myself very overwhelmed, working until 10 or 11 each night to try to review and get through each of the deliverables. I felt like I needed to prove to myself and my leadership that I could handle the responsibility of doing my own work and reviewing others'. When I finally talked about this with my boss (hi, again, Megan!), she reminded me that consulting is a team sport, that no one is ever expected to do their job alone, and that half the battle of taking on additional leadership responsibility is knowing when to pull in help because you can't be successful in doing it alone.
I have been reflecting on this recently when Vijay posted the following comment on my first blog:
"My 2 cents - we always tend to under estimate the help available to us . I know I did. And I continue to do so occasionally despite knowing there is help available if only I asked for it . The reality is I often lack courage to ask for and take that help . "
Asking for help is something that I really, really struggle with for a couple of reasons:
- There is a certain amount of guilt that comes with asking for help because it assumes that someone else is not as busy as you. As someone who is a people pleaser and maybe struggles with being over thinking things a bit, I know sometimes that I SHOULD ask for help; but it seems that I am putting a burden on others who are equally busy to help me.
- I also struggle with overcoming the pride of wanting to be able to prove that you can do it all yourself. So, as the newly promoted manager, I wanted to show my leadership that they hadn't made a mistake in giving me more responsibility. Or, as the new mom, I desperately want to be the mom who can "do it all."
- Sometimes, when I need to ask for help, I am so overwhelmed in that moment, that it's hard to know what help I need -- or it can feel like getting someone involved will be harder and more work for me to explain the whole situation.
As I reflected on Vijay's comment, I kind of laughed to myself because as with so many things, the areas where you struggle professionally are also areas where you struggle personally -- and vice versa. So, my confession: I have struggled to ask for help with Charlie.
Last weekend, I talked about this with my in-laws, and my father-in-law had an interesting perspective on this challenge. He said that once he was struggling with accepting help from others and his priest asked him if he liked to help people (he does) and reminded him that other people WANT to be helpful to you in the way that you want to be helpful to others. He reminded me that I need to trust that people will be honest if they cannot help but that assuming that others are equally busy at that moment is not a fair assumption.
To that end, as they say, the first step to dealing with a problem is admitting you have a problem. So, here we are: I admit that I struggle in asking for help sometimes. And, that I'm going to work on being better.
I have already put this into play a bit this week -- Charlie has her first daycare cold (that I have been told we will basically have for the next 6 months) and I kept her home with me on Monday. I had a client call and so I asked my mother-in-law to come over and help put Charlie down for her nap while I was on the call. And... Charlie loved it, my mother-in-law loved it, and it worked out great!
So, here's to asking for help -- and to recognizing the vast amount of help that there is for all of us.
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