Am I different at work because I am a parent?

One of my mentors once told me that I would not be able to realize my full potential as a leader until I became a parent (a surprising comment in the politically correct world today; also, to be clear, I had already told him that this was something that I wanted for myself). I've thought a lot about this since I came back to work - and how or whether being a parent has changed who I am and how I approach my job.

This has been front of mind for me this week as it has come up often in two articles that I read this week:

• This article about Goop and how Gwyenth Paltrow purposefully tries to hire working moms (commenting, “That bitch will get things done.”)
• This article about how pregnancy actually changes your brain matter - so much so that just by looking at brain scans, researchers could accurately sort people into groups of women who had experienced pregnancy and those who had not

Among these different but fascinating excerpts, I, again reflected on how or whether I am different now that I have a child.
There are some easy things that one can quickly reach to in order to point out how I am different: the hours I work are different, how often I travel is different, I am better at saying no. The balance for me is easier than I ever expected it to be - it's not like I can tell my daughter to go put herself to bed. (Note to self: I bet this gets harder as they become more self-sufficient). These changes are "forced" changes though; and do not really impact my behavior per se as much as they impact my overall schedule and how I manage my day.

I do think I'm different though - and a lot of it has to do with empathy.

Before my pregnancy -- and let's face it -- before I had Charlie, I had about zero sympathy for someone who told me that they could not get to the office before nine. I automatically assumed that the person was unbelievably lazy or disengaged. Leave at 5? Ha. Ha. Ha. I had achieved and been rewarded for achieving because I worked really hard. I was good at my job, sure, but one of the things that I valued the most about myself was my ability and propensity to work hard, work long hours, and get more done than everyone else.

Part of my worry about coming back to work was wondering whether I could accomplish in the same way while also managing the needs of a family.

Some of what I have realized is that more hours does not necessarily equal more productivity - for myself, sure - but also for other people. But a big part of what I've realized is that it is important to meet the needs of the whole person, not just the part of the person that is at work. That changes my perspective of how I come to work and what my goals are; but that also changes how I engage with others, because I now can relate to it.

The other piece that has changed for me is the gravity with which I view work problems. There is something about having your baby break into a massive smile when you walk into the room that melts away other issues. Something that would've caused me endless stress, sleepless nights, and anxiety is now much easier to compartmentalize because I have a ray of sunshine waiting for me at the end of the day.

Has my brain changed? Probably. But in some ways, I find that the way that I handle stress is EASIER not more anxiety-inducing. Do I have more worries about Charlie? Absolutely. We changed daycare last week and I worried about her all week long. She is still crying when we drop her off at daycare in the morning and I stress about it all morning long.

Have I changed? Undoubtedly, yes. For the better.