Bye, Felicia!

I stopped breastfeeding one whole month ago! (!!!)

I have written about my breastfeeding journey before; feeling anxious about talking about it so publicly, yet feeling like it was important because not enough people talk about what it is like to do it. I've written about my frenemy (the dreaded pump) , my advice on traveling while breastfeeding. I've tried to be open and honest, and share my experience - and so felt I should do the same on the end of my breastfeeding experience.

It is wonderful.

I thought I would be very emotional about this change, and thinking about it was emotional. It was a moment where, even in the most hectic of days, I was with Charlie, or, at the very least, I was dedicated to Charlie.

I haven't been especially emotional about any of these milestones; really, I am so excited and love each new phase so much, that I'm ready to move on to the next one. I mean, what's better than her saying "MAMA!"? Well surely, her being able to tell me what she actually wants is better (+ not forgetting Mama, obviously).

But, thinking about this change for me was a big one. I wasn't sure that I wanted to do it. I was anxious and kind of sad about it. It was the first in what will be many, many, many milestones of her needing me, just a bit less.

So, I hemmed and hawed and debated -- what was THE right time for this? I decided to do it slowly, over the course of about one month. And, in reality, I kind of let ease of practice dictate my transitions. When I was back from vacation and traveling for work, I basically ran out of time to pump twice during the day... so there I go, down to one! When I was on a train back from New York, I decided, ehhh well it's kind of gross to pump on the train, I'll just wait until I get home.

And, here I am, done! I don't miss it one bit.

I remain glad that I was able to do it for eight months. It was a wonderful experience, and I think Charlie (and I!) benefited from it. I was able to nurture and love on and cuddle with my baby, a lot; I was able to regain my pre-baby figure quicker than I anticipated. The reality for me though, towards the end, was that Charlie was increasingly over it. I blame this on having two bottles (or more, depending on my travel schedule) a day and the reality that bottles are ever so much more efficient than breastfeeding. Charlie is Johnny and my daughter, of course, so suffers from our same levels (or lack thereof) of patience. It increasingly became a wrestling match between the two of us instead of a peaceful experience. She would be cool for the first 5 minutes or so, but then she was on to the next thing, and not into her mother forcing her to focus for a little while longer.

I'm not sure I realized how much of my time that it took throughout the day while I was doing it. I think you somewhat force yourself to ignore those things while you are doing it so that you can retain a semblance of enjoyment in what is otherwise an activity that requires quite a bit of self-sacrifice.

Am I glad I did it? Yes. For sure. I enjoyed it way more than I thought I would.

Will I miss it? Hmmm. Maybe. I'll do it again with our next child, for sure.

Do I miss it right this moment? No, Charlie and I both grew up, and are ready to move on to the next thing.

Will I miss pumping - that frenemy of mine? No. Way.