Life, Interrupted
Six weeks ago, my dad went to the ER from a fall he had handing my mom their dog’s leash. He basically hasn’t left the hospital since (though he is anticipated be released Friday and things are on the up and up!!!).
It has been a tremendous challenge emotionally- but also a challenge to step up as the caregiver to my Dad, especially from a decision making perspective. And, it has been really challenging to try to balance work (and a new role!), my own family, and trying to have some semblance of a social life. Johnny and I laughed the other night that since July (when we started the process of moving my parents out of their house in preparation for them to downsize), we have basically had no downtime.
I mostly write about being a working mom- but over the past few weeks, I’ve learned that a new role is equally or more challenging: being a working caregiver.
It’s hard for many reasons- there are so many details to keep track of- medicines, diagnoses, recommendations, dates, exercises, etc etc etc. meanwhile, we are managing a move (moving them to a condo with no stairs), which has a lot of additional details. It is also emotionally taxing - having to step in and make decisions for a parent who may not be entirely rational / love the decisions you are making. One particular challenge is that my dad does not remember much of what has happened to him. So, he finds it frustrating to have a caregiver overnight, but doesn’t remember the 10 hours that Johnny and I spent in the emergency room with him when he fell out of his bed.
One thing that I was super lucky about was how flexible my job was with me dealing with my new caregiver role. I thought it was really interesting reading in Sheryl Sandberg's Option B how she has advocated for leave associated with the loss of a loved one; based on my most recent experience, perhaps another important one is for caregiving for a medical emergency. It really is time consuming - and requires you to learn a new language to figure out how to navigate the illness.
Ironically, I have found that many of the project management skills that I have honed over the years at work have been hugely beneficial to me as I have managed this set of challenges. There’s nothing that a good spreadsheet and detailed notes can’t solve (amiright?)!
As my normal life starts back up again, and I've gotten re-immersed in work, I've been faced with a second care giving challenge: guilt. I don't have the time to spend with my Dad, and I get very frustrated with him when he doesn't go along with my plan that I've painstakingly created. I feel like I'm not doing enough for him -- he says the only thing he has to look forward to is seeing me -- and I'm not able to be my best self at work or with my immediate family.
This weekend, we have a big milestone - moving my parents out of the house I grew up in and into a condo that is more friendly for an older person - no stairs, walk in showers, etc. etc. Here's hoping that this is the first of many positive milestones for him (and for me!).
It has been a tremendous challenge emotionally- but also a challenge to step up as the caregiver to my Dad, especially from a decision making perspective. And, it has been really challenging to try to balance work (and a new role!), my own family, and trying to have some semblance of a social life. Johnny and I laughed the other night that since July (when we started the process of moving my parents out of their house in preparation for them to downsize), we have basically had no downtime.
I mostly write about being a working mom- but over the past few weeks, I’ve learned that a new role is equally or more challenging: being a working caregiver.
It’s hard for many reasons- there are so many details to keep track of- medicines, diagnoses, recommendations, dates, exercises, etc etc etc. meanwhile, we are managing a move (moving them to a condo with no stairs), which has a lot of additional details. It is also emotionally taxing - having to step in and make decisions for a parent who may not be entirely rational / love the decisions you are making. One particular challenge is that my dad does not remember much of what has happened to him. So, he finds it frustrating to have a caregiver overnight, but doesn’t remember the 10 hours that Johnny and I spent in the emergency room with him when he fell out of his bed.
One thing that I was super lucky about was how flexible my job was with me dealing with my new caregiver role. I thought it was really interesting reading in Sheryl Sandberg's Option B how she has advocated for leave associated with the loss of a loved one; based on my most recent experience, perhaps another important one is for caregiving for a medical emergency. It really is time consuming - and requires you to learn a new language to figure out how to navigate the illness.
Ironically, I have found that many of the project management skills that I have honed over the years at work have been hugely beneficial to me as I have managed this set of challenges. There’s nothing that a good spreadsheet and detailed notes can’t solve (amiright?)!
As my normal life starts back up again, and I've gotten re-immersed in work, I've been faced with a second care giving challenge: guilt. I don't have the time to spend with my Dad, and I get very frustrated with him when he doesn't go along with my plan that I've painstakingly created. I feel like I'm not doing enough for him -- he says the only thing he has to look forward to is seeing me -- and I'm not able to be my best self at work or with my immediate family.
This weekend, we have a big milestone - moving my parents out of the house I grew up in and into a condo that is more friendly for an older person - no stairs, walk in showers, etc. etc. Here's hoping that this is the first of many positive milestones for him (and for me!).
Hang in there Caroline... Your positive attitude and caring nature will get you through this challenging time.
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