The physicality of parenting young kids and learning to be grateful for it

I haven’t written on this blog as much as I would like because the past several months have been pretty hectic. 

This is primarily because things have been great busy at work, but the reality is that one of our challenges has been that as soon as we hit November, we entered the season of sickness, and seem to have been juggling one member of our family being sick. And when I say sick- I’m not talking about a runny nose- we’ve had two stomach viruses, Johnny and Charlie got the flu, two ear infections, and jack recently had hand / foot / mouth virus (non parents: I don’t really suggest googling images of this, it’s a pretty gross kid virus). Johnny and I have kind of an evolving system of calendar scheduling of who has what work commitments and who is primary- when one of us has early / late meetings, work events, or travel; but at a time where both of us could basically be working most hours of the day (and sometimes are), we’ve also been forced to slow down because of the illness in our house. 

I was recently having a laugh with some other parents of young kids that while work travel is really tough with young kids, one perk is uninterrupted sleep. With this crazy virus that Jack has had, the past couple of days, he has basically been awake from 1-4:30am crying.

As I was talking (read: lamenting) with another colleague who has older kids, she reflected that she missed the physicality of young kid parenting- and that she is still loses sleep with respect to her kids but it involves them staying out late or worrying about them. The truth is that there are pros and cons to this stage of parenting; it can be really tough to deal with the lack of sleep but the flip side is that for the most part, at this age, you are their cure. They want to be held, hugged, rocked, and paid attention to by you. There aren’t bigger problems- people being mean to them, them struggling with things, etc. There is both a very lovely simplicity of you being the answer; but the challenge with it is that you can’t multitask the solution. Because you are physically what they want and need, you have to turn other things off (both from a tech perspective, but also mentally) to give that to them. 

I remember reading interviews with high profile or famous parents before I had kids who were reflecting about how having kids was the ultimate humbler for them because the kids didn’t care that they were famous (and the unwritten statement was that they, too, had kids with blowout diapers, or got to work with spit up on their shoulders, or pacifiers in their pockets, or sat on the couch from 1-5am with their sick baby). I now reflect on that and share the sentiment in a bit of a different way- having kids is the ultimate work / life balance forcer. 

I am someone who both likes my job and likes being productive. I’ve written before about this, but pre-kids, my schedule was generally that I left work sometime between 6-7, got dinner, and generally worked for another 2-3 hours. I remember being completely panicked when enrolling in daycare and you had to pick them up by 6. Pick them up by 6! How did one leave the office so early?  I’ve also written about this but the missing link for me was that not only do you HAVE to pick them up by 6, you WANT to pick them up. Getting to them is USUALLY the highlight of my day (save for the days that you are rushing Charlie more than she wants to be rushed and there are tears in the car). Having them at home from 5-7:30- there isn’t really a huge opportunity to do calls... or if you do, whoever is on the call will hear the chaos of life behind you. Neither of my kids care at all that I need them to be quiet, and in fact, Charlie sometimes intentionally misbehaves when you aren’t paying her attention in these hours. So, it's kind of a "work at your own risk" thing. 

But then the other element of work/life balance being forced on you is the physicality of the parenting demands. When you are up all night with your kids, you aren’t working until 9 or 10 or whatever. You are going to sleep at 9 or 10 or whatever. There is a positive of the physical though - when they “need” you, they need your hugs, kisses, silly dancing, games, songs, and snuggles. I think as adults, you forget how good it feels to have the inhibition of a child until you have a child to do it with. To sing a stupid song (and sing it 100x in a row just because you like it), to giggle, to have a big hug or hug someone WHENEVER you want or just because. It’s a special thing that as a two year old, when you see your favorite person, you get run as fast as you can to hug them. And it’s a special thing as an adult to be run to.

So, I know that one day, I, too, will miss the physicality of this part of parenting - and especially of getting to be the answer to most (or all) problems. And for now, I try to remember that I will miss it as I juggle feeling like I’m burning the candle at both ends and a bit tired.