"You may be the first to do many things, but make sure you will not be the last."

Like many of us, I spent a lot of time glued to the election results last week. However, I have to admit that until the election results were announced, I did not spend much time thinking about Kamala Harris' many firsts. This in itself is notable - it was almost a side note to me, which in years past, it would've stood out. But in recent elections, we have almost always had a female in the race (save 2012), and so the good news is that it felt like less of a big deal.

When the race was called, and in particular, watching the video that she tweeted about her call with Biden when she learned that the race had been called, I was - quite unexpectedly - moved to tears at the gravity of her being the first female. Couple that with on the other side of the aisle, the GOP adding a record number of women to the house. 

Without assessing Kamala Harris' policy beliefs or positions, I had noted that I - and others - responded in wildly different ways to her in ways that we don't to men. For example, in the VP debate, many people were elated by her now famous "I'm speaking" response; but others didn't care for her sassy, curt response. 

This summer, post-George Floyd, one of the things I realized is that many of us - male / female, young / old, white / black / hispanic / asian, gay / straight - develop coping mechanisms to manage around our other-ness. BUT many of us do not talk about those coping mechanisms. 

I am often the youngest, only female in the "room" and I'm very aware of it. Prior to COVID, I was very aware of what I wore and how I presented myself in meetings; likewise, I developed stylistic ways to challenge views of more senior male counterparts that were less direct. Ironically, as I have progressed, I have had to unlearn some of my coping mechanisms as it becomes more important for me to be clear and direct and that I need to be able to drive consensus but also be able to make calls or give strong opinions that may sometimes be in conflict with my peers or leaders. I have written about this before but almost every single young female who works for me has to work on making statements that don't sound like questions. I think women tend to relate to each other socially in asking questions; at work, especially as a junior female, this makes you seem like you have no idea what you are talking about.

Each of these things are practiced, thoughtful, worked on. 

Back to the debate, post-debate, I thought about how hard it is to walk the line - "likeable" vs. authoritative. Standing your ground vs. bitchy. Firm vs. shrill. This is - basically - a female line. And half of us like one style and half like the other. Half think you are a hero for standing up for yourself and the other think you are a witch. Several people told me "I just don't like her" ... okay, well, do you like him? There aren't lots of people who I think "like" the style of our male politicians; but likeability remains a critical factor in the success of women.

(Side note: I'm still admiring Kristen Welker's navigation of this challenging dynamic at the 2nd debate).

Anyway, the net is: political views aside, I was unexpectedly moved by seeing the first female Vice President-elect - and very touched by her mom's advice to her: You may be the first to do many things but make sure you will not be the last. 

I started this blog because I didn't know many other people who were young mothers at IBM and as I navigated the experience, I wanted to put it out there so that other young women could see that it was possible. Not that my way is the right way or the way that will work for them. But that there is a way, that it is possible, and that they were not alone in facing some of the challenges along the way. I have tried to be pretty vocal about the parenting experience - from shaping the Work From Home Pledge to talking about child care to trying to be open about when my kids come in the room or when I need (or want) to run and pick my kids up from school or, or, or.

Funny enough, I think my blog resonates as much with my male colleagues with young children as it does my up and coming female talent.

Either way, there is power in knowing that others like you are able to do something and power in having role models. There is power in having people to talk to who have walked your shoes. I have had wonderful male mentors and advocates and champions, but some of my most treasured advice conversations have been with other strong female leaders or other male leaders with young children - because I relate to them the most. I was really, truly scared when I was pregnant with Charlie that I would not be able to do my job well and a big piece of this was that I hadn't really seen any other women do it, so it felt like it wasn't possible.

I'm excited for my daughter - and my son - that there is a first in this leadership role. And I hope by the time they are sitting in my shoes that my initial thoughts (it's no big deal) are reality because there have been so many across all sides.

I hope that I can live by Kamala's mom's advice that if I am (one of the) first; I will open doors, make it easier, make it normal, make it do-able for those behind me.