Avoiding (my) 5:36pm Meltdown

 Picture this scenario: It's Wednesday night, 5:30pm. I've just finished a marathon day of meetings, literally having to leave meetings running to make lunch or go to the bathroom because my day is so back to back. Most of my day is dealing with issues - team issues, staffing issues, project issues. My 5-5:30pm meeting was a fight about resourcing. 5:30 comes - my nanny is supposed to go. I'm still on the phone and trying to wrap up. It's 5:32... now 5:33 "Okay I really, really gotta go." 

I walk into the living room where my kids are excited to see me - "Mommy! Mommy!" they both jump up and down. 

Charlie: "Pick me up Mommy" - she says in a whiny, baby voice seeking attention

Jack: "No, pick me up!" - he pushes Charlie aside

Charlie: (Crying) "Jack pushed me!" "No, Jack, I want Mom to pick me up!" - she hits Jack

{Queue me losing my mind, losing my patience, and yelling} Me: "AHHHHHH!"

(Jack and Charlie both cry)

I haven't written on this blog in a long time. 

Work has been good - very busy - but very exciting as well. But with work being good comes growing pains that I'm trying to navigate my organization through - while I learn how to grow a larger team and larger organization. One thing I've realized is that I'm often spending more of my day on things I don't especially love dealing with (aforementioned "issues") - meaning that I often end my day drained.

But - the reality is that having a toddler - or in my case, two toddlers is often draining. And I've been reflecting recently that when I come out of a work day drained, I am generally not the mom that I want to be in dealing with the toddler drain. I've used up all my patience and reasonableness in the day - and so when I get to be with my kids - which is the part of my day where I would like to be my most pleasant, loving, and reasonable self. 

I've reflected a lot on how to change that dynamic and two things have resonated with me the most - the need to move my body and the need to take a moment to transition my day - not just racing from meeting to meeting to meeting to kids.

When I'm most stressed at work, it's generally because I have a longer to do list than hours to do - and so that means that I take less time for things like walking and breaks in the day and more time huddled over my computer. But, when I walk, I am much calmer, much less anxious, much more zen.

Likewise, I often harbor a sense of guilt about having my firm 5:30pm end of day stop time. Almost every single day I decline meetings after 5:30pm. Because of this, I have a hard time carving out a couple minutes before the end of the day to collect my thoughts. But, when I do it, I am calmer, much less anxious, much more zen.

One final thought is that one thing that I've noticed that makes a huge difference for my kids is if I give them attention - ACTUAL attention for 5 minutes before I launch into dinner. Sitting down and playing with cars, or looking at the school drawings, or whatever helps fill up their cup. They are calmer, much less anxious, much more zen.

Here's to avoiding my / their / our 5:36pm meltdown.