I turned 5! (As a parent).

Charlie recently turned 5 (!!!). Which means it is also my 5th birthday as a mom. Both feel super significant!

I'm not typically super focused on my kids milestones, but her fifth birthday has hit me a bit differently than some of the other milestones - it (and she!) feels so big! It's hard to believe how much our lives have changed in the past five years - it feels both long and short. Another element of having a five year old is that she is very interested in her story in a way she hasn't been, so I've been particularly nostalgic telling her about the day before she was born, finding out I was going to be induced (I was a wreck with nerves), memories of the whole day in the hospital (the chick made us wait!), and then getting to meet our chick who came out eyes wide open and needing to know what was going on and who was there, which consequently is something that has never stopped. 

Charlie is fun, funny, and whip smart. I'm amazed by everything she knows - and how observant she is. Charlie never misses a beat, never forgets anything, and notices everything going on around her. In this trait (being observant), she is just like her Dad, which is something that kills me because it is very different than me and so it's funny seeing a trait that the two of them uniquely share that makes them so alike. She is caring and loving - I love watching Jack crack her up as they do crazy things together; but also love how much Teddy adores his sister. Anytime we have a babysitter, Teddy almost exclusively wants to be with Charlie, and she always helps put him to bed. She is mature beyond her years, and it's sometimes hard to believe she is just 5.

I'm especially nostalgic this year because two people who are very special to me have just had their first child, and so I've been thinking a lot about many of the things that it's hard to think about or understand as a prospective parent. So, I thought I would share some of my reflections on turning 5 as a mom:

1. The birth of your first child is one of the most overwhelming moments of your life and it's hard to describe the magnitude of it. This is true of every child, but I think particularly your first, because you've never done it, and it's such a life change for you. Anyone who has children will knowingly smile at this and people without children will probably roll their eyes because everyone talks about this but it's just a hard to describe moment in your life. As I mentioned above, when my doctor called to tell me I was being induced, I was a wreck. I was at a nail salon and started sobbing. I called a dear friend who was a doula and just cried for an hour into the phone. The nail ladies still laugh about it when I come in 5 years later. This sounds absolutely nuts. But I think the net of it is, I knew my life was about to change in a major way, and I liked my life! I knew I would love Char, but knowing that and feeling that is a very different thing. I will never forget watching Johnny's face when Char was delivered because it's just an avalanche of love that you will never undo.
2. Work / life balance feels like it will be hard, but the reality is a little different, though still hard. I think one of the things that was really hard to understand about work / life balance before having kids is how much you actually want to be with your kids (versus it being another thing on your list) coupled with the fact that your baby cannot feed itself dinner (forget making dinner!). I think I thought that navigating this balance would be hard. It's not hard to decide what my priorities are; there is not a choice to end calls because my kids need caring for. This has transformed a bit as my kids have gotten older and I'm juggling Halloween parades, parent / teacher conferences, etc. - but the reality is the same - I want to do those things, so I figure out how to make time for them.
3. It gets easier. The early years are... hard! While I was in it, I would never have admitted it (to myself mostly!!! mind over matter!) but now looking back I can realize that we are at an easier point now than we were before. And, probably in two years when we are 7,5, and 3 I will probably still be saying this looking back on the November 2022 version of myself and telling myself it gets easier. There are peaks and valleys of easy and hard over that period - for me, some of these have been: adjusting to being a parent, learning what a little baby needs, going back to work, having a second child, POTTY TRAINING (worst parenting experience out there in my opinion - BRINGS YOU TO YOUR KNEES!!!!), the terrible 2's & honestly 3's too, FIGHTING. But by and large, I think the "over the hump" easier part is when kids get to school. Teachers are heaven sent - and bring a structure and learning and RULES that help make life a lot easier. 
4. Each phase is fun and honestly it just gets more fun. Having children involves a lot of wonder. Watching them figure out new skills, try new things, etc is all magical. But for me, each phase has gotten more and more fun as the skills get to be more fun and especially more relatable -- and as they start to enjoy things that you do. Charlie loves to play golf with Johnny, get her nails done with me. We all love to ski. We all love to go swimming. I'm nostalgic for baby Charlie but don't want to go back to baby Charlie because I love the Charlie I've got now (and Jack, and Teddy). This wonder probably never stops - but has continued into age 5 - where we are spelling(!), writing notes (!), telling secrets (!), telling jokes (!). 
5. Parenting teaches you a lot of new skills that better prepare you for all aspects of your life (including or especially at work) and it's kind of amazing how parallel parenting small children is with the rest of everything you have to do in life. These skills include perspective, realizing that everything is a phase and this too shall pass -- but also in how you "manage" a child. Boundaries, clear expectations, advanced warning on rules & expectations are really important to the overall success & happiness of a day with a young child - but so are things like empathy, hugs when they mess up, that they WANT to please you, forgiveness. But really, these things are important in dealing with everyone - not just small children.