Reunited and it feels (mostly???) good?
Today marks exactly one month back at work after my parental leave with Jack. I have started to write a blog post each week that I have been back - and I have to admit that I've had a hard time writing one. I generally work to have a positive message or something positive that I am working towards in my posts (and in my life!) and I have to admit that being back at work has been an adjustment. But, the intent of this blog is to write about the ups and downs of being a working mom and so here I am, writing about the ups and downs of the past month.
I will start with the good - coming back to work has been mostly great. I was laughing with someone who I work with that late Friday afternoon the thought came into my head, "Wow, I'm pretty good at my job!" I say I was laughing, because it's almost funny that it felt like a revelation. While I looked forward to coming back, I think that there is always a bit of anxiety as well, especially after a long period away, of whether or how you will add value. It has been nice to reconnect with the broader team and hear about victories, trials, and tribulations while I was out. I remember being super anxious after my maternity leave with Charlie about contributing right away and reminding everyone that I was still a valuable member of the team. I've a bit easier on myself this time around, and of course, I'm back to being "busy" again already (whatever that means, everyone is busy).
One thing that I found particularly challenging about both of my parental leaves is as someone who both really enjoys a to-do list and really enjoys talking to people, parental leave is a bit lonely and lacks a bit of purpose. It's amazing how a day can fly by and the only thing you have accomplished all day is going to the grocery store, feeding yourself, and feeding the baby (of course!). But, I'm back, my to do list is humming, and I'm loving reconnecting with the team.
Likewise, there are a lot of things that are just easier with your second child - especially child care. With Charlie, I had was a lot of anxiety about starting daycare - would she be okay? would she like it? would she be happy? This transition has been made a ton easier because Jack is in the same classroom that Charlie was in - so I know the drill and am comfortable with the drill this time around. I know he'll be happy, he'll be stimulated, he'll learn a lot, and we'll learn from the amazing daycare teachers. They taught Charlie how feed herself with a bottle, use a spoon, sit at a table, drink from a cup - all things that we hadn't realized that she was ready to do on her own. We actually started daycare for Jack a couple of weeks before I came back as I was preparing for some important meetings that happened right away when I got back, and so Jack started going for half days, which made the transition super easy on all of us.
The truth is however, that the last couple of weeks have been a bit hard hitting the stride personally.
My first week back I flew to India and was gone 7 days and I worked myself into a tizzy helping to get my family in order. If I'm being honest, most of this tizzy was a bit of a self-serving tizzy because I wanted to do things that helped me feel like I was caring for them while I was away. So in the days leading up to my trip, I frantically cleaned, did laundry, went grocery shopping to buy their favorite things, pumped, and tried to be present with them while preparing for my trip. And, in leaving, I cried basically the whole way to the airport (my poor uber driver).
We started potty training Charlie 2 weeks before I went back to work, and I am happy to report (though am probably totally jinxing myself) that I think we are now, mostly on the other side of it. Charlie is a smart cookie and has mastered every "tough transition" in her short little life quickly. Sleep through the night? Check - 9 weeks. Stop breastfeeding? Ain't no thang, she was basically over it anyway. Take away her wubanub (for non-parents, this is a brilliant invention of a stuffed animal attached to a pacifier)? Traumatic for mom, and a bit traumatic for her, but mostly over it in 3 days. So I was sure potty training would be the same - it'd be a long week or whatever, and we'd be over the hump quickly. That was... not the case. The adventure included changing her sheets 2-3 times per day because of accidents in the bed (and man oh man does changing fitted sheets that often suck) as well as several what I believe were intentional accidents, including pooping on the wall once (how, I'm not 100% sure).
I tell you all of this because one of the challenges of the past couple of weeks was that my normally sleeping peacefully family involved multiple wake ups a night to "Daddy, Mommy, I pee pee." Then, Jack got sick. Then, I got sick. So for the past couple of weeks, there were several nights where Johnny and I were up essentially every single hour between the three of us. This has led to frayed nerves, and definitely not my best moments as a parent, especially in the face of what felt like intentional accidents where Charlie should know better. Johnny has described the whole experience as the low point in our entire parenting journey, and I basically agree.
One of my dear friends often talks about how having a 2 year old is like being in patience school where every day you are taking tests in the extremes of your patience in dealing with an irrational human being. It really couldn't be more true, and I am sure I will reap the benefits of my increased patience threshold, it is definitely a learning and growing experience for all of us Chez Roche.
On top of all of this, we have had the normal transition of figuring out how to live our lives with two kiddos, not just one. Getting ready in the morning is a bit harder. Getting out of the house takes longer. Daycare drop off and pick up takes longer. Bedtime takes longer. Cooking dinner with a 2 year old who wants to help and/or wants attention is really difficult! (Does anyone have tips on this?).
The positive? I remember feeling stretched at the beginning with Charlie. I go back and read the blog posts where I basically write about adjusting to these same challenges with Charlie, and know that I have mastered a lot of this before and a lot of it is easier this time around. I also laugh and as I proof read this blog post, I realized that basically most of the challenges that I have written about in this post have more to do with the challenges of Charlie being 2 than of Jack being part of the family. The truth is, I've mastered the Jack stage for the most part - the 2-year old stage is what the new skill is. Jack is sweet, and easy, for the most part. Charlie was a better sleeper than Jack. Charlie was a bit more content to lounge and watch us cook or do whatever at night whereas Jack likes to be held and/or likes to be standing (that boy likes to be on the move). But, for the most part, the Jack stuff feels "easy" compared with dealing with the new things that come with each new stage of life.
So, in no time, I am sure, Johnny and I will feel like we have mastered the new routine, new challenges, and have tackled it all. In the mean time, I will continue to work on having patience with myself, with my kids, and with Johnny while we work on mastering this new challenge.
I will start with the good - coming back to work has been mostly great. I was laughing with someone who I work with that late Friday afternoon the thought came into my head, "Wow, I'm pretty good at my job!" I say I was laughing, because it's almost funny that it felt like a revelation. While I looked forward to coming back, I think that there is always a bit of anxiety as well, especially after a long period away, of whether or how you will add value. It has been nice to reconnect with the broader team and hear about victories, trials, and tribulations while I was out. I remember being super anxious after my maternity leave with Charlie about contributing right away and reminding everyone that I was still a valuable member of the team. I've a bit easier on myself this time around, and of course, I'm back to being "busy" again already (whatever that means, everyone is busy).
One thing that I found particularly challenging about both of my parental leaves is as someone who both really enjoys a to-do list and really enjoys talking to people, parental leave is a bit lonely and lacks a bit of purpose. It's amazing how a day can fly by and the only thing you have accomplished all day is going to the grocery store, feeding yourself, and feeding the baby (of course!). But, I'm back, my to do list is humming, and I'm loving reconnecting with the team.
Likewise, there are a lot of things that are just easier with your second child - especially child care. With Charlie, I had was a lot of anxiety about starting daycare - would she be okay? would she like it? would she be happy? This transition has been made a ton easier because Jack is in the same classroom that Charlie was in - so I know the drill and am comfortable with the drill this time around. I know he'll be happy, he'll be stimulated, he'll learn a lot, and we'll learn from the amazing daycare teachers. They taught Charlie how feed herself with a bottle, use a spoon, sit at a table, drink from a cup - all things that we hadn't realized that she was ready to do on her own. We actually started daycare for Jack a couple of weeks before I came back as I was preparing for some important meetings that happened right away when I got back, and so Jack started going for half days, which made the transition super easy on all of us.
The truth is however, that the last couple of weeks have been a bit hard hitting the stride personally.
My first week back I flew to India and was gone 7 days and I worked myself into a tizzy helping to get my family in order. If I'm being honest, most of this tizzy was a bit of a self-serving tizzy because I wanted to do things that helped me feel like I was caring for them while I was away. So in the days leading up to my trip, I frantically cleaned, did laundry, went grocery shopping to buy their favorite things, pumped, and tried to be present with them while preparing for my trip. And, in leaving, I cried basically the whole way to the airport (my poor uber driver).
We started potty training Charlie 2 weeks before I went back to work, and I am happy to report (though am probably totally jinxing myself) that I think we are now, mostly on the other side of it. Charlie is a smart cookie and has mastered every "tough transition" in her short little life quickly. Sleep through the night? Check - 9 weeks. Stop breastfeeding? Ain't no thang, she was basically over it anyway. Take away her wubanub (for non-parents, this is a brilliant invention of a stuffed animal attached to a pacifier)? Traumatic for mom, and a bit traumatic for her, but mostly over it in 3 days. So I was sure potty training would be the same - it'd be a long week or whatever, and we'd be over the hump quickly. That was... not the case. The adventure included changing her sheets 2-3 times per day because of accidents in the bed (and man oh man does changing fitted sheets that often suck) as well as several what I believe were intentional accidents, including pooping on the wall once (how, I'm not 100% sure).
I tell you all of this because one of the challenges of the past couple of weeks was that my normally sleeping peacefully family involved multiple wake ups a night to "Daddy, Mommy, I pee pee." Then, Jack got sick. Then, I got sick. So for the past couple of weeks, there were several nights where Johnny and I were up essentially every single hour between the three of us. This has led to frayed nerves, and definitely not my best moments as a parent, especially in the face of what felt like intentional accidents where Charlie should know better. Johnny has described the whole experience as the low point in our entire parenting journey, and I basically agree.
One of my dear friends often talks about how having a 2 year old is like being in patience school where every day you are taking tests in the extremes of your patience in dealing with an irrational human being. It really couldn't be more true, and I am sure I will reap the benefits of my increased patience threshold, it is definitely a learning and growing experience for all of us Chez Roche.
On top of all of this, we have had the normal transition of figuring out how to live our lives with two kiddos, not just one. Getting ready in the morning is a bit harder. Getting out of the house takes longer. Daycare drop off and pick up takes longer. Bedtime takes longer. Cooking dinner with a 2 year old who wants to help and/or wants attention is really difficult! (Does anyone have tips on this?).
The positive? I remember feeling stretched at the beginning with Charlie. I go back and read the blog posts where I basically write about adjusting to these same challenges with Charlie, and know that I have mastered a lot of this before and a lot of it is easier this time around. I also laugh and as I proof read this blog post, I realized that basically most of the challenges that I have written about in this post have more to do with the challenges of Charlie being 2 than of Jack being part of the family. The truth is, I've mastered the Jack stage for the most part - the 2-year old stage is what the new skill is. Jack is sweet, and easy, for the most part. Charlie was a better sleeper than Jack. Charlie was a bit more content to lounge and watch us cook or do whatever at night whereas Jack likes to be held and/or likes to be standing (that boy likes to be on the move). But, for the most part, the Jack stuff feels "easy" compared with dealing with the new things that come with each new stage of life.
So, in no time, I am sure, Johnny and I will feel like we have mastered the new routine, new challenges, and have tackled it all. In the mean time, I will continue to work on having patience with myself, with my kids, and with Johnny while we work on mastering this new challenge.
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